I’m writing this post because I feel like I need
to put out into the universe, my gratitude for my health.
I would like to believe, that by putting gratitude out to the universe,
good things will come your way.
So today, I am SO thankful.
And I’m saying it out loud.
As you may know from this post, in February
I ended up with pulmonary emboli as a result of a surgery I had just had.
And since then, for the past 6 months, I feel like I have been holding my breath (literally and figuratively) waiting for this time to pass, to heal, then to be given a clean bill of health.
It’s not been an easy time…
- Pulmonary emboli are scary. Scary.
- I felt very alone at times.
- This has been very hard on my husband too. I haven’t been a complete ray of sunshine.
- I had to complete a 6 month treatment of blood thinners and I did not like being on them at all. Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for them, but I didn’t like having to take them. I had to watch everything I ate and drank (I desperately miss kale, broccoli, cabbage and ginger tea), because so many things react with this type of medication.
- And with this medication I also had to have constant blood work done at the lab. Sometimes 3 times a week, some times once every two weeks. A small price to pay for my life, but it was a constant reminder of what I was healing from, and I was tired of being reminded. Not to mention bruised inner arms just aren’t sexy. ;)
- During my 2 day hospital treatment back in February, I had a resident spew all his medical theories out to me. Not cool. He had no idea the seeds he planted in my mind. This takes me to #7.
- I suffered from some major anxiety for about 2 months. Then 4 months of niggling anxiety, waiting to have this all be over and done with.
- I am superstitious, and didn’t want to plan anything too far ahead because I was afraid that if I did, I was being greedy… I felt like I should wait for a clean bill of health. I know that seems crazy, but it’s how I felt. I think it stems from the fact that I also felt so much shame for all of this. It’s not rational I know, but when facing dark fears, rationale sometimes just isn’t there.
- I constantly dreaded my 6 month check up with the pulmonologist (I hate CT scans, breathing tests, blood work and waiting…).
- Waiting is not my strong suit. I want things resolved like yesterday.
- I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop…
So thank you universe. Thank-you!